Robin Hood Picked Up On RICO Charges; Merry Men On The Run

WASHINGTON— After identifying the centuries-old folk hero as a “dangerous socialist agitator,” the Department of Justice on Wednesday arrested Robin Hood on federal RICO charges, prompting the Merry Men to flee Sherwood Forest in what officials described as “a coordinated queer-aligned evasion effort.”

Administration officials said Hood was targeted after authorities determined he had “repeatedly transferred assets to individuals who did not already have assets.”

Authorities confirmed that Little John was picked up shortly afterward by Border Patrol while attempting to cross the Sherwood treeline.