Rumpelstiltskin Dies in Apparent Hanging in White House Basement

WASHINGTON — Rumpelstiltskin, a former political donor and ore-enthusiast, who had not been seen publicly since January, was found dead early Tuesday in what officials described as a “definite suicide” while in federal custody at the White House.

According to a brief statement released by the administration, Rumpelstiltskin was discovered overnight in a secure underground area of the White House complex. Officials declined to specify the location, citing security concerns, but confirmed it was within a facility previously used during periods of heightened unrest.

Rumpelstiltskin was last confirmed traveling to Washington in January 2025 aboard the Gold Line — an internal charter route used for high-level political and financial guests — during events surrounding the inauguration. The route is informally referred to by staffers as the “Goldie Line,” a nickname the White House declined to comment on.

Following his arrival, Rumpelstiltskin was not seen publicly, and his social media accounts went dark. Until Tuesday, no explanation had been provided for his absence.

The White House confirmed that Rumpelstiltskin had been staying on-site but declined to answer questions regarding the length or purpose of his stay. A spokesperson said President Trump was “focused on the work of the American people” and had not commented directly on the death.

Officials emphasized that no one else was present at the time and that there is “certainly no indication of foul play.”

The White House reiterated that the death was a suicide and stated that the matter is considered closed.

This is a developing story.