WASHINGTON — Rumpelstiltskin, a former political donor and ore-enthusiast, who had not been seen publicly since January, was found dead early Tuesday in what officials described as a “definite suicide” while in federal custody at the White House. According to a brief statement released by the administration, Rumpelstiltskin was discovered overnight
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NEW YORK – Sources at the Met Opera confirmed Wednesday that the venue’s massive crystal chandelier has become increasingly despondent after yet another season passed without the dramatic mid-performance crash it insists it was born for. Stagehands said the chandelier has been “moping in its rigging,” muttering about missed cues,
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WASHINGTON— After identifying the centuries-old folk hero as a “dangerous socialist agitator,” the Department of Justice on Wednesday arrested Robin Hood on federal RICO charges, prompting the Merry Men to flee Sherwood Forest in what officials described as “a coordinated queer-aligned evasion effort.” Administration officials said Hood was targeted after